23 Reasons To Fear Oprah
3. Because she has the power to shapeshift. And uses it to hang out in a fictional realm.
4. Because she lured Ellen into a LIFE SIZED GINGERBREAD HOUSE ONCE.
6. Because she appeared on this woman’s pillow like Jesus on toast.
14. Because there’s a strong possibility that she’s an Egyptian pharaoh.
15. Because she THROWS HERSELF DOWN MOUNTAINS STRAPPED TO TWO MEASLY PLANKS OF WOOD.
16. Because she commits 1000% to dealing with it.
It being your dead body.
19. Because she can wear white cowboy hats in four feet of snow.
Actually breaking the laws of nature.
20. Because her side-eye has the power of a thousand disappointed moms.
22. Because she “plants trees” a lot.
How many bodies has she really buried?